I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
