dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
