didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
