She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
