once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
