she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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