watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
