Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
