Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
