I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
