why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
soo... how was my night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
