Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
