How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
