i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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