u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
