eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
