i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
