In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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