You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
