all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
