My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
