i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
