the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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