What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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