So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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