remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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