Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
