Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
