I hate all girls vehemently.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
