People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize