Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
