How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
