I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fuck appropriateness.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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