if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
