So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
