I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
