when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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