I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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