fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
