There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
