just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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