If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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