i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
