i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
