you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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