looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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