Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
