I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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