i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
