they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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