Can Purell be used as lube?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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