theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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