four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The power of my boobs compel you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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