her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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