we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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