Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
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