And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
