i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
