Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize