My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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