I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
