Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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