I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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