you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A+ Viking dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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