I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
