make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
