So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
