I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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