glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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