my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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