normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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