She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
