i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
