Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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