i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize