my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
