Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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