it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
