I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
